In Edward’s Defense…Jacob can go DIE

Okay, so after seeing New Moon and hearing various discussions on the topic, I feel like this post is necessary. And I realize it’s ridiculous and I actually don’t care that much (but part of me does because I think people are generally stupid/missing the point) and TOTALLY pointless. But this is my blog and I do what I want. JUDGE ME ALL YOU WANT! So, without further ado…

While I understand why the entire Twilight fandom and every teenage girl ever is ga-ga for Taylor Lautner’s abs and big smile, I just have one thing to say: Edward is still better.

Why would I say this? Well, I could give about a million reasons all ending with the fact that Robert Pattinson is basically the best thing since electricity to happen to this planet. I digress. So, everyone is all upset that Robert Pattinson’s body is not quite like Jacob’s. But then again, WHO IS? I heard a girl say “Wow, Edward needs to work on his body.” True, he’s not ripped and putting on 30 pounds of muscle (props to you Taylor), but it’s not like he’s made of nothing. Don’t believe me?





There. Now you can’t argue with me about that. I win. And I would like to say that I might respect him more for refusing to shave his chest. Most men are hairy and yucky. What Robert Pattinson has is basically NOTHING. Sorry people, but that’s a reality of life we must deal with: Men (Those with chiseled jaws and perfect cheekbones) are usually at least a little hairy. BOYS (17 year olds who play werewolves and are kind of illegal to look at like THAT) are not. Another thing: pale NEVER films well. Seriously, the fact that they made Edward look pale without making him look like he’s totally dead is a magical miracle. The fact that Taylor Lautner is already bronze skinned doesn’t make Rob Pattinson look as good. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing he were my boyfriend and would rip his shirt off to show himself to the world because he loves me and thinks I’m dead, and…never mind. Finally, it’s the scene. He’s depressed. He’s alone. He hasn’t showered in months (hello, he’s still wearing the same shirt from the breakup). Basically, he looks like hell. That’s how he’s supposed to look. Plus, who gets the girl? The good looking one, or the muscle bound behemoth who turns into a hairy nasty wolf?

Now it’s time for me to get up on my nerdy, Twilight soapbox (because I have one) and say something that has nothing to do with biceps or body hair. And I am aware that this will reveal me for what I truly am: a 21 year old girl who finds happiness in teen lit despite how awful it is.

First of all - I can’t deny that I actually found Taylor to be engaging. He portrayed Jacob just the way I pictured him. But…I still hate Jacob with a fiery burning passion. (What can I say? When you are team Edward, you are TEAM EDWARD.) Now to what I want to say. The story isn’t about Taylor Lautner’s body. It’s not about men running around in the forest half naked. In fact, in one scene when Jacob has his shirt off, I almost yelled “Put your damn shirt back on, you GIRL!” but then realized I might get murdered. Seriously, people. The story is about Edward and Bella, not Jacob’s or Edward’s body. That’s what it’s been from the start. It shouldn’t matter. Jacob can go die and nothing will happen to the core of the story. Can you deny that Edward and Bella aren’t made of awesome, sexy, deliciousness? Heh, didn’t think so. They are dear, sweet perfection. Well…maybe I should say “sweet, crazy, sexy, absolutely ridiculous, obsessive/possessive, kind of wrong, badly written, and weird perfection.”

And that is why:
1.) I win
2.) Jacob can go die.